


Shed a Light on my Heart

by AnxietyBag, Mitzuna



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: BillDip, Happy ending though, Heartbreak, Just not yet, Literal, M/M, Slow Writer, also a bit school AU, another one, happy valentine's day i guess, literal hearts AU, only it's not so happy yet, we'll see where this goes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2018-09-24 03:40:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9697973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnxietyBag/pseuds/AnxietyBag, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mitzuna/pseuds/Mitzuna
Summary: Because, while others got wonderful colors, blue and red, orange, purple, gold, green...He got gray.





	1. We're living in the currents you create

**Author's Note:**

> So happy (not yet) Valentine's Day. I said to myself I would have the whole fanfic ready by then, but I'm very sure I won't finish this until tomorrow, so I'm posting the first part of it already. I'm also very sorry to note, that I have no idea when I will finish this at all. I will do my best, but really my motivation has been unpredictable for the last few months, and I really have no clue.
> 
> I've had the idea for this for a long time now and I kinda regret that I only started writing it fairly late, cause most of my initial fervor to write this was gone by the time I got to it and I feel that it's also getting somewhere I never intended to lead it to in the first place. Inspiration for this came mainly through Shawn Mendes' Never Be Alone and later on also through Robin Shulz's Shed a Light, Bastille's Power and a few others I was listening to during writing. 
> 
> On thing I want to note and the reader to consider is that all of this will be written in Bill's POV. He was strongly influenced by the reactions of his parents and later on of other people he interacted with, so while he may think himself emotionless and "gray" that's his opinion and doesn't have to ring true. Just maybe a thing to consider while reading.

Gray is such an ugly color, isn't it? Not even a color. Just boring, ordinary, bleak. Emotionless. It was even worse than white, which was often regarded as pure and innocent like an untouched field of snow, or black, which many compared with a mysterious abyss or a dark nothingness that could be full of the unexpected.

But he didn't even get that. No. He just got gray.

Bill stared at the empty circular space in his chest. Empty exept for the manifestation floating in the middle of the cavity. Even though it looked nohing like the eponymous organ sitting just a few inches lower, pumping oxygen-rich blood throughout your body, it was still called >heart<. Bill tried to touch it, like he had done many times before. But instead of feeling the hard - or soft? would it be warm or cold? - surface beneath his fingertips he felt nothing. Reaching deeper he only grazed the skin around his chest cavity and closing his eyes he imagined it was his >heart< he felt, smooth to the touch of his digits, not cold and emotionless, as everyone believed it to be.

Because, while others got wonderful colors, blue and red, orange, purple, gold, green...

He got gray.

Opening his eyes, Bill's fingers retreated and his hand fell lifeless beside his body. In the mirror his dull gray >heart< was reflected back at him.

 

People talked about him. In his childhood he couldn't understand most of what was said. Too distracted had he been by the adventures the world had to offer before one grew up and saw the cold judgement of the world. It only lasted for a short while. With time the whispers got clearer, words started to make sense to him. It was a gradual awareness that started as early as he could remember. Bill had never been overly clingy like other kids his age, hadn't cried easily, hadn't argued or thrown temper tantrums. While he didn't have any problems socializing if he needed to, the blond saw no sense in initializing contact, rather observing from afar and letting others set examples for him. Most of the time he had taken a backseat and if not for his bright hair and unusal amber eyes, his kindergarten teacher might have forgotten him sometimes.

It had been around the age of five, maybe four, that he first heard about the meaning of colors. Of his color. A lot of things were easier when you were a child. You'd ask questions without ever thinking of consequences. You ask without even knowing the implications. You were simply curious.

Bill remembered only vaguely how the topic came up. A boy had transfered to their kindergarden, having moved to their small town from far away, from China or Japan maybe. Apparently from a place where children didn't change clothes in front of each other for their nap time. So naturally he had been rather shy but at the same time not afrain to ask their teacher questions.

"How come everybody has a different color?"

Naive little boy. Bill had already known that it was impolite to ask about another's >heart< in any way. His mother had told him early on that >hearts< were a private affair, that only family and closest friends should be allowed to see them if the person in question even wanted to show. She had urged him from the start to hide his >heart<, at times she wouldn't even look at him if his >heart< was in plain sight. Although Bill had seen his mother's >heart< on occasion, he heeded her wish and took care to turn away when changing. But the blond had been curious, like all the other kids that day, lowering his inhibitions and facing the room straight on.

">Hearts< come in different colors and textures."

"They say no >heart< is like the other. Even if they can be similar, there are indiscernible differences between each and every one."

"It's more superstition, kids, but they say that the different colors tell you about a person's character."

"Like red is for those that are warm and passionate. Blue >hearts< are said to belong to rational and scholar-like people. Yellows are said to be happy and energetic."

Nobody ever tells you that even thought there was no scientific proof to any of it, most still believed in it. Sentences like "well, no wonder, their color is this and that after all" or "I didn't expect any better of this color", in some cases a more nicer worded "that's typical for a this colored person" were thrown around so naturally, it might as well have been a fact. Your color defined what others thought of you. As for Bill...

"What does gray stand for?"

He hadn't even asked as instead a noisy girl had done it for him. Had voiced the question he had been curious about, but too aloof to express himself. And with growing curiousity he had watched as their teacher had looked at him, had seen his >heart< and stared for a moment. Had stuttered and diverted. Had said how it was nap time and really didn't they all need to change right now? There would be time for questions afterwards after all and although most of the kids protested and grumbled, everyone did as told.

Bill didn't comment on any of it, just turning his back on the other kids so he could put on his pajamas in peace. But only later, when he stood and left the room in search of the restroom, did he get an answer to his question.

"He was always a quiet child, wasn't he? I sometimes wondered, but it's clear now."

"You mean-?"

"A gray >heart<, you know. I knew one in middle school and he was exactly the same. Cold and emotionless. You could even say heartless."

His memory of what happened after was fuzzy. The blond couldn't remember if the two gossiping teachers had noticed him or not. Somehow he must have reached the bathroom and locked the door behind him, cause the next thing he did remember was one of them knocking on the locked door, asking if he was in there. Bill vaguely remembered that his hands had been cold and his face wet (had he splashed water on it?), so he had dried off and unlocked the door.

He was emotionless after all. Having a gray >heart< was as good as having none at all.

 

That night a small blond boy had stared at his reflection for a long time. Sometimes turning a bit to the left and right as if a different angle could reveal a sight until then unseen. But no color bloomed in his chest, only gray could be spotted. Still the boy stood there for an hours, looking and looking and looking. It didn't change what he saw.

It didn't change what he would see for years to come every night in front of the mirror.

 

For days, weeks, months after Bill observed the other kids. Tried to see if he really was different, if there was a correlation between color and character. But he noticed other things, he never really cared to see before. How the teachers generally were more patient with some kids, especially those that normally tried to help and greeted them in the morning. How the little groups that normally gathered during play times, often had one person that decided the game. How certain traits were better perceived by adults and children as well.

Bill decided to experiment with his observations. A lot of emotional experiences seemed to cohere with social interaction. He had never really seen a reason to get together with others as he didn't get much companionship at home and didn't see a need to have that change during the time spend at the kindergarden. But now the blond tried. Of course most were wary of his change at first, a few kids only accepting his requests to color pictures or use the building blocks with them because of the stern gaze of a teacher. But there were turning points: helping a smaller dark-haired boy find his glasses when he replaced them after washing his face - stopping a box of toys from toppling down on a girl trying to reach for it - helping a teacher to gather all sandbox toys after the others left them abandoned. Piece by piece his peers accepted him. Bill was suddenly invited to sit with them in the evening, or to meet after preschool ended. After a while a few girls offered to share lunch with him, which, after he realized it seemed to be another token of acceptance, the blond most of the time ran with.

With each day, with each connection he forged, Bill consructed an elaborate spidernet, himself at the center. Pulling others towards him like the gravitational pull of a star. Astonished by his success, he decided that if apparently he had no emotions, it didn't mean he was lacking in any way. Looking at what he created, on how he could - not control - but certainly influence and guide others to his opinion, gave him a sense of satisfaction.

No matter how empty it felt at times, how his >heart< never changed color at the end of the day, the blond told himself that it would be enough to have this.

 

He refined his art of entangling others in his person by the time he started elementary school. At that point it had been child's play to tame the class and his new teachers as well, his work even eased by the fact that a most kids had ended up at the same school as him. Over the years his influence only grew, until he was known throughout the whole student body. All adults of the faculty seemed to have a soft spot for him, the students were generally friendly with him and even those that didn't like him - as few as they were - never acted upon it or they could expect severe repercussions.

Outwardly, Bill was pleased and happy with all of it, but he knew it was all just a game to him. It took him only two years to have the entire school under his thumb. Now, as a sophomore, it was exhilarating to watch, to run a scenario in the shadows, but it also grew boring. Dull.

He was absentmindedly rubbing his chest, his >heart< as always covered by a layer of fabric. With progressing age and awareness of social customs >hearts< were always hidden, the sight of one considered highly romantic between lovers or a sign of trust amidst familiy. Or in some cases a embarrassing faux pas that left more often than not even the spectators umcomfortable and on edge.

At the same time, the hint of showing this innermost secret was considered an inciting sight admidst his peers. They were fairly young, only teens in their rights, but with bodies growing and hormones being released certain topics started to be talked about quite often. Bill didn't care for it. He never looked at anyone and felt "a spark" or "butterflies in his stomach". Just like he never truly connected with his so called "friends", the blond had never experienced attraction to anyone. Really, it all sounded more like a hassle to him, having another person to consider and be reminded of constantly. It was not for him.

"B-Bill?"

He looked up, a mechanic smile - but still so authentic to all those other teens - on his face. Remembering right now, years have passed since that particular day and while his memory of what happened was still clear as day, thinking back on it now he couldn't even bring the girl's name to mind. She had been in his class, maybe she had even been in his kindergarden group. With dark wavy hair, but was it black or brown? He was never too good at commiting people to memory if he didn't interact with them regularly and quite often.

What the blond did remember though were her eyes. Expressive brown eyes with a light green tint.

"What can I do for you?"

"I er... I wanted t-to talk to you. If it's no problem?"

"I don't think so. What is it?"

The girl looked around them, so Bill, without moving his head too much did it too. There weren't many students looking in their direction as they were occupied by their own conversations, but just by being around a larger group of peers guaranteed that someone would be watching him, maybe listen to this very conversation. The girl seemed to recognize this too and fidgeted.

"Maybe we could talk somewhere qui-quieter? Just us?"

He narrowed his eyes just the tiniest bit. But he knew that this particular teen should have no reason to pull a trick on him. Now that the blond thought of it, she had been loyal to him as long as he could remember, Bill was now fairly sure that she had been with him during kindergarden. He gave her a nod, still smiling. She seemed relieved, but deflated a bit when the bell rang. As their classmates returned to their seats, some joking and some grumbling, she looked at him with determination.

"Please meet me outside the gym hall after class!"

Before he could even answer she had left.

  
  
He took his time, reassuring some "friends" that he had a few things to take care of and that they should go on (not like they wouldn't have gone different ways at the front gate anyway, did it even matter?) so when he had gathered his stuff and arrived at the gym hall's entrace, the girl was already waiting for him. She seemed nervous, walking in circles but stopping when he drew near.

"So..."

A glance around them showed nothing suspicious, but it may still be better to keep his guard up.

"What did you want to talk about?"

For a few seconds she stared at him like a deer in headlights. Only when he remained calm and waited patiently for an answer, did she relax slightly. With a few deep breaths, she began.

"We've... known each other for a long time. I noticed you from the start. I-I mean, who wouldn't notice you? You were always charismatic and bright! Unlike the other boys, too! A-and I always admired you. I don't know if you remember..."

After a while Bill sort of muted her voice in his head. Instead he tried to read her expression, her gestures to get a clue on what she was trying to tell him. He vaguely heard what she was saying, but as he didn't deem it important it just faded away. Until she said...

"I just- I just wanted to tell you... I'm in love with you."

What?

"Pardon?"

"I-I know that this is really sudden, but..."

"I don't think I heard you right."

With a blush on her face, but a fire in her eyes she repeated those words.

"I'm in love with you."

Bill just stared. And stared. Not comprehending what she tried to tell him. Love. He didn't know what to make of it, like it was a wholly foreign concept to it. Of course the blond heard of it, if not through literature or fiction then through a few of his classmates. But in relation to him?

He tried to analyze what could go through this girls head. Bill never tried to remember details, but he had a weak recollection of helping her once with a bully (really only because the teen had strived from the place the blond had assigned him in his spider web) and that he had worked on a literature project with her directly after. She had been subdued for a while, but with a few pushes, a nicely placed word here and there, she got over her misfortune and had gotten them both a straight A on the assignment. He had been friendly to her, like he had been to anyone else.

"You don't love me, it's just in your head. There is nothing between us."

They stared at each other. Her eyes had widened in shock and after a while she had to break eye contact.

"Why-why would you say this? We may not be extremely close, but we are... friends at least."

He huffed.

"Look, I get it, it's a nice concept, but I'm not interested in playing a couple with you."

"Playing? I'm serious. Are you taking this serious?"

Somehow she didn't sound only distressed but angry now.

"Maybe you don't love me, but can you at least accept that I'm honest here?"

"How could I? It's ridiculous!"

"Me loving you? Ridiculous?!"

"Yes!"

He didn't notice when they had begun to shout. Fortunately for them there were neither students nor staff around to hear them.

"I'll show you ridiculous!"

Suddenly she undid the first few buttons of her blouse with shaking hands, ripping off a flesh-colored plaster underneath that she used to hide her >heart<. Without the protective covering it was seemingly staring at him, a bright, vivid green. His fingers twitched, as if he wanted to grab at his own chest, but he surpressed the movement.

"Look! Look at it. Can you see this?!"

At first he didn't. But right there, right under a trembling pointer finger was a spot of missing color. It looked like a part of her >heart< had been replaced by sheer glass, the color slowly melting back on the edges. The spot was maybe as big as a quarter, quite small compared to the whole >heart< that could easily fit in the palm of Bill's hand.

"This, this is the part of my >heart< that I gave to you!"

She took a step towards him. He was frozen in place.

"Don't mock me by saying I'm lying!"

He ripped his eyes from the sight of her >heart<, looking into her eyes instead. He had lost that fake but permanent smile he always wore sometime after she had uncovered her chest, so without hiding his disinterest in the whole thing he stared back at her.

"That doesn't matter to me."

"Wha-?"

"I never asked you for this. I certainly don't want it. There is nothing between us and there won't be anything."

Bill saw how the anger melted from her face, how that green shimmer in her brown eyes died. Right before he turned around and left her standing there, he took a last glance at her >heart<. He saw how that piece she lost to someone - not him, surely not him - cracked and the sheer glass turned milky. It didn't matter to him.

 

That evening something changed. Like every night, since years ago, he was standing in front of his mirror, shirt lying to his feet and chest bared. It was gray, his >heart<, like it had always been, but...

He leaned towards the mirror glass, like he wanted to make sure he wasn't seeing things.

There, in the right corner of his >heart<, was a green spot. Not bigger than a quarter, but a vivid green. Shining in contrast to the everlasting gray, a spot of color he had never seen before. He tried to touch it, as if to wipe it away, but it stayed, just like the rest of his >heart< untouchable.

He may have stood there for longer than was even normal for him, just observing, waiting for this delusion to end. But it stayed. It stayed the next day, when the blond sat in his seat at school and absentmindedly noticed the girl missing. It stayed next week when their homeroom teacher anounced that she had left with her family, never to be seen again at this school.

It didn't stay forever. But it stayed for a long time. It only slowly faded with time and again and again Bill was staring at this spot of color on his >heart<. And with time...

He wondered what other colors would look like on his >heart<.

 

His last two school years didn't last long, but they were enough for him to build a new reputation. They called him a casanova, a heartbreaker and a devil. But he didn't care. It's not like the girls (and sometimes the boys) didn't know what they got into. They were warned, if not by friends then by Bill himself. And still they played to experience a bit of his power, to see the world from his eyes. Maybe they hoped to be "the one" to win his >heart< in turn, to take instead of giving.

Nobody ever won.

He would court them, he would read their every gesture and respond to every clue. But as soon as the color appeared on his >heart<, replacing a bit of mundane, boring gray, he would drop them. From one moment to the other he left them with cracks in their >hearts<, giving nothing in return. Some got over it faster than others, some breaks healed in a few months, some were still there after these two years. It didn't matter to Bill at all.

Every night he would look at his gray, emotionless >heart< and would wonder if those splashes of color meant he had emotions now.


	2. Who's this man, who's this act I hide behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is honestly more setting up the story and the first introduction of Dipper. In the next chapter Dipper will also be featured more actively. I honestly wanted to be more down the storyline with this already, but the last week... has been kinda shitty all around for me, so I thought I should just push what I have already now. Hence why it's relatively short, I guess... On the other hand that also means there are most likely more than the three chapters I planned in the beginning.   
> Also I tried to look into how college works in the USA and which one would fit the story? But lets just say I gave up after half an hour and decided to "make" my own college for this. So not only does it not exist, I kinda just try to recreate how "higher education" works where I live, so it might be slightly to very different. I don't know, I was never too good at research... If anything's unclear, feel free to ask.

With new places there were also new beginnings. At least that's what a lot of people say. Bill didn't really care for a new beginning. Coming to Copagzi University to get a associate degree in psychology had seemed like a good start if you were still unsure on what you wanted to do in the end. Watching people, analyzing their reactions and motivations was what the blond had done more or less his entire life, wasn't it? Moving out of his parent's home, far away from his childhood residence had just felt right. He hadn't cared too much for where he ended up at, so he took this chance without even waiting to see if more acceptance letters would come.

Observing the little room Bill had gotten last minute at the dormitory, he admitted to himself that it wasn't the best but would do for a while. The walls were plain white and obviously overcoated with many layers of paint after having seen a lot of students come and go. The room held the bare necessities, a bed, a desk and a wardrobe, but it was not like the young aldult needed much. His was one of altogether six rooms on the right-hand side of the fourth dormitory floor, but for now he had only met one of his next-door neighbors while inspecting the kitchen. They had exchanged pleasantries but hadn't lingered long. There were also two bathrooms for all of them and at the end of the hallway a small common space with a dark blue couch and a cupboard full of tabletop games.

The true benefit of his residence was definetly the short distance to his faculty building, although he only had a few lectures there for now. Most lectures in his first semester would cover the basics, things he might have already learned at school, so each and every student would be on the same knowledge level. For now he had more of these general modules, like algebra, physics of all things and a beginners course in zoology. Those would be held at the main campus of the university right in the middle of the small town, but that was easy to reach by tram or bicycle. The blond also decided to cover his electives early on and took creative writing and drawing. Both were subjects he wasn't too bad in at least and all together it balanced nicely with his schedule, so he only had to travel once a day on Monday to Wednesday between the two locations. Otherwise he could spend the day completely at the main campus site.

Grabbing his key, phone and wallet, Bill tried to decide where he wanted to go first today. He still needed groceries and exploring the vicinity would be good, too. Shrugging he decided he could do both. Maybe on his way he could get a few "friends" already.

 

First weeks were kinda boring. New places, new beginnings, right... It just meant he had to establish his position from the ground up again. Lessons weren't so hard, so at least he had no problems there even if he had a slight drawback with the other students. A teen from his old school had also entered Copagzi University and shared a few classes with him. That wouldn't be much of a problem, but as he had "seduced" this one during the last school year, he wasn't too friendly now. Normally getting thrown into a new environment with lots of new people made it rather easy to find fast friends (all of them eager to get a companion fast, to not feel alone or singled out). But with rumours flying around already many were weary or at least guarded. He would have to lay low a bit, try to show his "good intentions" and wait until the rumours against him lost their credibility.

For now he pretended to not notice the hostile gaze of the other, instead smiling and animatedly (fake, so fake) talking with a few classmates. If he stayed clear and didn't rise to the challenge the other students would be more likely to question the boy's attitude. Stretching his back, all he could do right now is wait for something interesting to happen. Bill didn't know it yet, but it would still be a few weeks, before something quite life-changing happened to him.

 

He didn't even notice the other teen. Until that day. He faintly recollected that they shared electives; in drawing the boy was nearly constantly talking with (or being talked at by) a quite similar looking girl, mabye a sibling but definetly a relative; in creative writing the brunet would sit in the last row, always attentive even if he wasn't actively cooperating much. He wasn't very popular or at least didn't talk to any other students, neither in class nor in the halls, where Bill would sometimes get a short glimpse of him. So far there was nothing really interesting to him and as such interaction had been minimal at best. You could say that while Bill was definetly noticing the other (like he was noticing any other student and watching if their behaviour to him changed any) the blone wasn't keeping tabs on or looking out for him in particular.

But sometimes things happen that make you change your mindset.

Part of creating a persona that interacted with nearly everyone, or at least everyone important, also included knowing about recent topics and controversy. Not only having general knowledge about it, but also facts to discuss with others, to argue both sides of the problem but still never taking one. It often was skirting edges with dialog partners and more often than not directing the focus on the other person's opinion to give them the feeling of being affirmed in their view without ever telling something outright. So Bill prided himselft in knowing about things and he nearly never got surprised by anyone.

But there's always a first time for everything.

Of course he knew of the latest movement in the LGBTQ+ scene. There had been the most different reactions after same-sex marriage had been approved last year, some cries of outrage and others of support. Some saw it as a step in the wrong direction, some as only the beginning of a series of right decisions. Bill had mostly been suportive of it, as the major part of his friends had also been backing the statement. But on the other hand it was also just the most logical decision, right? What was the sense in prohibiting two people from entering a legally approved relationsship when in this time and age marriage was already nothing eternally binding and stable anymore?

He honestly wasn't thinking too much about it. For him that was that but there were still many that did want more. A more or less recent movement that was quickly spreading, especially amidst young adults and teenagers, wanted a more liberal treatment of the disclosure of >hearts<. The group saw it as more of a tradition to hide >hearts< and protested against the notion of giving privileges in certain professions or job interviews because of color. It had been a long lasting contradiction that manners viewed the display of one's >heart< as indecent but still many employers demanded a medical examination that included color and "condition" of a >heart< as criteria.

Bill knew that it all led to many arguments and protests, a few of his peers were very passionate about it, but if never felt more real than right here. The blond was standing in the campus courtyard and watching a sizeable amount of brightly clothed students walk in circles around the fountain in the middle of the place. They were holding signs proclaiming the freedom of expression and opinion, advocating against the strict social standing on the topic and demanding to normalize the viewing of >hearts< not only in homes but also in public. Fitting their aspiration all the teens were wearing low cut or unbuttoned shirts, showing off their >hearts< for all to see.

Somehow the whole process had drawn his eyes, although he couldn't really express why. He rationalized it was only to gather information, to be prepared if someone wanted to discuss it later during lunch. Still Bill stood there for quite some time, watching as more students gathered while some others were objecting and trying to cause problems. But the teens weren't even stopping in their circles just not reacting to the cries but answering with their own calls. Gradually the opponents fell silent and left. The blond stood in the shade of a tree and observed the commotion as he always did.

Two teens caught his eye. He remembered the two being in one of his electives, the girl peppy and cheerful, the boy more calm and reserved. On one of their rounds he got a glimpse of the long haired teens >heart<: it was bright pink with an iridescent shine, fitting her bright personality. But it was also marred with hardships: cracks and blank spaces were strewn around it, some already fading back to pink and some tears nearly joined together again. She also had a small discolored patch in light teal, starkly contrasting her normal color.

But more intriguing was the boy. His >heart< was a deep blue like a deep sea, with a more dull shine to it. At first glance it seemed to be one uniform color, but looking for longer one could see the slightest of discoloration, where the color was a bit lighter than the rest. The reclaming of a given >heart-piece< was more likely with such a minor discoloration, so an old crush that was nearly healed. It was nothing special, Bill had seen the colors fade from his own >heart< time and time again, he knew that was just how it worked. When the feelings were gone and forgotten the state of one's >heart< returned to what it was, breakings joining and colors bleeding back in.

Nonetheless, he couldn't look away. But not from the >hearts< in general or the discoloration of the girl's, no. The boy. The blue >heart<. It caught his eyes and he couldn't tear his gaze away. Only after what felt like an eternity, but really had only been about an hour, did he remember the class he should be attending since twenty minutes ago.

But even as he sat down in his place, giving some excuse or another to the professor teaching up front, his mind was still on the brown-haired teen he'd seen. Why, oh why couldn't he stop thinking of him?

Something about him must have intrigued him on a instinctual level, he decided. Something he couldn't quite explain. Maybe it was time to give his >heart< new color again.


	3. This room feels electric, caught here in your sights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been nearly a year since I published it and at the same time nearly a year since the last chapter. I would like to say, I warned you it might take me a while, but I honestly didn't expect it to take me that long. So sorry everyone. I won't promise anything for the rest of this fic, but I will try not to take such a long time for the next chapter.  
> At the same time I want to thank everyone who still commented/bookmarked/left kudos on this. I was really surprised that even after such a long time I came back and the numbers increased. Hope I won't leave you guys waiting too long for the rest of it.  
> Also I kinda didn't look this chapter over much. I just hope there aren't that many mistakes in here and that my writing style didn't change too much (if I ever had one to begin with). Have fun!

Bill didn't believe in fate or destiny but sometimes life gave you opportunities that just seemed too good to be true. However, despite his lack of faith in any higher power he certainly wasn't foolish enough to let a chance like this pass him by. As such he picked up a few books that seemed to match his assignment topic and sat next to the other library visitor, even though some tables were still unoccupied. Because right there he was, the teen he'd seen only a few days ago. The one with the deep blue heart.

The one he hadn't forgotten since then.

The blond had been contemplating on how he could get closer to the boy, which strategy he should follow to get information on him. So far he wasn't able to gather much. A few choice words to the right people at the right time about the protest had given him names. A quick search through various social networks had cleared up which face belonged to which person. The girl with the pink heart, Mabel Pines he now knew, had been easy. She had accounts on nearly every other website, sharing pictures and enough tidbits that any interested reader could get a general idea of their life. Only through her had Bill learned more about her brother, no her twin even. Dipper Pines.

Which was just about it. Aside from a few fotos shared by the girl, a few comments from others here and there, not much was found online of the brown-haired teen. No social media accounts at least. He had found a blog discussing and reviewing all sorts of supernatural occurrences that was created by a "Dips". Although the entries and arguments were well written and very interesting (from a purely objective view, of course) there wasn't enough material on what the authors itself was like to connect "Dips" with Dipper. If might have been just a coincidence that Mabel recommended the entry on possible mermaid sightings, even if Bill had pegged her more as the unicorn type. 

None of that mattered much right now, even if this certainly made it a bit harder for him to approach the other or connect with him through "mutual" interests. But then again a little setback at the start had never discouraged him before.

"Hey there."

The whole time he had set up his work place (books just to the left, notebook and pen at the ready, bag set next to his feet) the boy hadn't reacted to his presence, maybe too focused on the pages before him to notice the other. Somehow Bill got the feeling this certainly wasn't the case. Now that the blond had spoken Dipper turned his head slightly, just enough so he could see who had talked to him without having to look from the corner of his eyes. 

"...hello."

It didn't sound like a question outright, but Bill nonetheless saw it in the other's posture. A clear "why are you talking to me" without having to pronounce it out loud. The best way to get a semblance of trust from the other would be to come "clear" with his intentions from the start. 

"I saw the demonstration you guys did on campus. I have to say, it takes a lot of guts to do something like that."

And a bit of flattery could never hurt. His counterpart, however just raised a skeptical eyebrow. Seems like Dipper was not very trusting of strangers. A character trait Bill could respect, but also one that wouldn't help him. 

"You know, I can totally understand your point of view. I always thought judging a person by their color, so to speak, is just a way to diminish a person's worth. Who are we to decide someone's motivation or reasons based on their appearance, when it should be their actions and intellect that prove their intentions? People are so easily swept up in the opinion of the masses even if it's foundation lies in rumors and superstition."

Maybe he was laying it on a bit thick but the words just seemed to flow from him. Thankfully the room was mostly empty and a quick glance showed that nobody else seemed to be listening. He cleared his throat and focused back on the brown-haired teen, noticing that his shoulders and expression relaxed a bit. Huh, apparently his "outburst" helped him.

"You seem interested."

"Oh, I am! I just..."

He fidgeted a bit, hopefully looking nervous and hesitant instead of plotting.

"I kind of... didn't know how to approach anyone on this topic. Most of my friends don't really like to talk about it or agree on the matter. I guess I was kinda lucky meeting you here today."

Bill smiled, just a small sheepish upturn of the corners of his mouth, trying to endear himself to the other. Hopefully he hadn't noticed the twitch of his shoulders when the blond talked about his hypothetical friends. He didn't have any and he didn't need them. As long as he could manipulate and spread his net of influence he was fine. Puppets were more reliable after all and easier to predict. Even if the boy noticed anything, he would most likely just think that the blond was remembering a particular conversation with one of his "friends" or something similar.

"You know, we have regular meetings. I can guarantee they will welcome you with open arms."

No, that's not what he intended to get from this! Internally grinding his teeth he watched as the other closed his book and reached behind his chair to get a brown messenger bag from the ground.

"I don't know... Do you think we could talk about it a bit more? Maybe over some coffee? My treat."

Maybe a bit of flirting would help here. Laying his head on his arms, he looked up from the crook of his elbow, smile turning a bit wider and lowering his eyelids just slightly. 

"No, thank you."

Well, damn. Either Dipper was unobservant enough to not see his advances or totally not interested. Bill narrowed his eyes just slightly when the other was occupied with the clasp of his bag. He couldn't decide which option it was. 

"That's too bad. I was really hoping to talk a bit more."

He wasn't pouting. But maybe if he seemed like it the other would reconsider.

"If you're looking for someone to talk to, my sister's always up for conversation."

"But what if I wanted to talk to you?"

Dipper stopped in pulling the strap of his messenger bag over his head and looked at him for a few seconds. Deciding on something he shrugged and stood up. Pulling a card out of his pocket, he set it on table next to Bill's arm.

"Then you're out of luck. I'm leaving."

With that the teen turned around and vanished around a corner. Bill watched him go before he picked up the card. Was he leaving his phone number, even after rebuffing him like that? 

No.

He was holding what looked like something a small (somewhat artistically talented) kid would have drawn with a lot of crayons at their disposal. It was obviously a copy of the original "artwork", heart shapes and smileys dominating the paper in all hues of the rainbow. The paper was fully covered, not a single speck of white was shining through. It took Bill a while to notice the writing in the middle, in some places it was a bit hard to read due to some darker background. "Open >heart<" it declared in black letters. "Down with obsolete notions and discrimination!" it continued, followed by a invitation to meet with kindred spirits in one of the social rooms in the main campus building. 

Allowing himself a grin, Bill pocketed the card and grabbed the frist book from his stack. It wasn't what he originally set out to get, but it was a start nonetheless. Chances were he had to tread lightly and be patient if he wanted this to work out. Humming a bit the blond picked up a pen to write down a few notes. If his >heart< fluttered a bit, it was only the anticipation of the challenge yet to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a little extra (I guess) have a few "fun facts" about >hearts<:
> 
> \- You are born with a clear >heart<, it only starts to fill in with color a few months after birth.  
> \- You still have a physical heart and all your organs. Just imagine that they're slightly moved to make space for the cavity. (Imagine the cavity is around where your sternum would end, so ribcages are slightly deformed to make space for it.)  
> \- A crush means you "give" a bit of your >heart< to the receptor, they will gain some of your color and you get a blank spot. Returning those feelings means your spot fills with the corresponding color.  
> \- Depending on how strong your feelings are or grow to be, the spot can expand over time. Most of the time the spot starts small but at the same time the size isn't proportional or should be used a measurement in any way. If it grows, it could also mean that you grow surer in your emotions and are accepting them. Maybe even in time to move on from them.   
> \- If you want to know specific things on >hearts<, feel free to ask. :)


	4. Announcement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have good news everyone :)

As you may have already noticed, this story is officially unfinished again and it has a new co-author.

I'm happy to announce that the lovely AnxietyBag has decided to adopt this story and will write further chapters. She has decided for now to stick to my original plan, which means I'm still "in the know" and more than happy to take questions about this AU, should they arise.   
Thanks again everyone for commenting, giving kudos and having a lot of patience with this story.

**Author's Note:**

> Again very sorry that I can't predict when I will finish this. Also for those that maybe know my oneshot series? I'm sorry to note that this will be on hiatus, too, until I either find new inspiring ideas or the motivation to write the few things I have in mind. But if anyone wants to annoy me to write more or has questions or criticism, write me! My tumblr's http://mitzuna.tumblr.com :) (Also not beta read in any way. If you find mistakes, feel free to point them out, so I can fix it.)


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